I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my shit smells like andre
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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