Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
