i always forget guys have bellybuttons
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
