Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
