ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
