I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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