either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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