Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
