Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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