why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
