Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
