I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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