Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am midnight drunk by noon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
