My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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