i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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