it wasn't lemon gatorade
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
