Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
