Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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