even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i drank out of a bidet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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