she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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