I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
