Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
