Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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