im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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