they need to just BURY HIM!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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