I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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