I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I supernannyed him into submission
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
