I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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