Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
