Pappa wants mamma naked
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
