he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
