youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
