I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
