1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
