I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
