508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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