I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
