Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
