Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
