So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
