im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
