saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
