she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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