p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
