How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
