Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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