Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
