Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
