There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
