Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
