Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
