Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
