Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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