You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
