if you like me you must not know who I am
I just cut my nipple shaving
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
