when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
