I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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